The English Page

This page is basically under construction and its primary purpose is to make me write more stuff in English by means of guilt :) So be patient and check it from time to time. Enjoy!

So, you think you’re something else

April 21st, 2009

Everybody thinks they’re special. Of course we do. It’s one of the tricks that get us through the day because we n e e d to differentiate ourselves from others. Oh, look at this guy, he’s spitting seeds on the ground; this woman doesn’t have a mirror at home, she’s dressed like a hooker – we don’t want to think we’re on the same level as them, perhaps the people we label as “average”.

If you tell someone to their face that they are average, they will most probably smack you. You wouldn’t like to be called that, now would you? You’re special because you have a degree, you have a skill that surpasses others’, you speak 3 or 4 languages, you’ve travelled a lot, your friends definitely say you’re smart and funny (sometimes this is a compliment for them as well), maybe at some point your teachers thought you were bright but wasting your (god given) skills/talent/beauty.

I don’t know about you, but people have told me some of these things over time, and my perception of myself shifted from insecure-and-shy to (relatively) confident and arrogant – “I am something else” and somehow this idea infiltrated deep enough into my processes that I sort of included it in my plans. As in, “it’s ok, no rush, I’m good, I can do this [project] in one night before the deadline and I’ll be just fine”. How’s that for arrogance going nowhere.

I’ve begun to decline with this attitude. When I was younger, between the ages 13 and 16 I guess, I took assignments seriously and prepared thoroughly – that’s the thinking my family induced. I never perceived it as an effort, I enjoyed parts of it and almost neglected the ones I disliked but still did well. After that age I started lagging, I didn’t care that much. When University began I still felt comfortable taking it easy. So I became limited and sufficient. This is the only self-destructive non-action I’ve taken in years but it’s a big one :)

The logical line of thought is “thinking you’re special makes you average“. Everyone thinks they’re special but not that many people live up to the expectations placed on them by others and by themselves. I think we’re entitled to actually believe we’re special only after we’ve done something pretty awesome with our lives. We’ll always be special to our parents because we’re, you know, their flesh and blood; to our friends, because otherwise they wouldn’t still be around us; and occasionally we’ll find people who share the same belief just because they feel kind that day. We believe these people because we trust them, but especially because that’s what we like want love to hear. We are programmed to keep our ears open for praise, not for criticism.

Ultimately, we only have ourselves. You know the saying, deep down everybody’s alone. We cannot run from ourselves, nor can we lie to ourselves. What we believe is entirely up to us. We can take other’s bullshit, make up our own or just do what the hell we’ve got to do and BE special, not just believe it and ACT as if we were.

So what’s the cure for this? Motivation, goals, some medium-term plan. I have my graduation thesis in two months that should be enough, but so far it’s done nothing for me :) 5 minutes ago I realized short-term plans never worked for me, because I always look for what’s beyond that “critical moment”. In the 12th grade, my friend and I made many plans for after the exam, small plans but they kept our imaginations busy and helped us relax. It was the little things, like having a big drinking session after it was all over, that made us think of the treats and not what we then perceived as the “ordeal”. Maybe it’s actually the small rewards we care about more, because they bring immediate, visible satisfaction. Because we’re used to that – gratification society…

I had a dream

January 22nd, 2009

For those of you who are patient and interested in insights… – Hectic and emotion-driven post

My fascination with Sweden appeared when I was about 15 and starting to understand the surrounding realities. The bits of information I had were scarce and my access to the Internet was…limited, at best (year 2001-ish) but the general image that began to take shape in my mind included the concept of better. Better wages, better services, better respect for others, better past, better economy, better people (you know, nice, tall and blond?) It’s a common Romanian belief that any other country is better than ours – not getting into details now.

So around 2002 I made up my mind: I wanted to go to Sweden. I had no idea when that was going to happen and made no real plan concerning the visit, it was just wishful thinking at the time. In the meantime I kind of grew up and snapped my fingers and I ended up in Copenhagen. This was actually my first time out of the country, I’d never been abroad before so I really had no real perception about what I would find or whether I could cope with all-new surroundings or not. It’s one thing to know the theory about culture shock but in a real life situation it’s just you and the unknown.

My feelings just a few days before coming to Copenhagen were mixed. Excitement seemed to dominate me, but there were also fear, insecurity and a lot of question marks tossed into the mix. Eventually I just decided to be positive: should something go wrong, there was always the way home – but that would have been labeled as a failure. Sometimes, even months before leaving, I would dream about walking around Copenhagen, taking pictures and enjoying every minute, but then I”d wake up and think to myself: “Where the hell am I going?! I’ll be alone in a strange country, among strangers speaking crazy words that mean nothing to me. What if I get lost? How will I get by? Is this fo’ real??”

my first picture of CPH

When I got here I was disoriented. I mean, I was trying to find an exit from the airpot to get a bus, instead I ended up taking the metro, and surfaced in a crowded street, full of people, cars and an unlimited number of bikes, old buildings. I panicked for about 20 seconds and then took a cab to the hostel – big suitcase, tired, no good map, noorientation skills. After checkin into the hostel, I left my big suitcase is the room, took a small(er) bag with me and just headed out. Out where? I had NO idea. I had seen a big, brown-and-green building on the way so I thought I’d go see what that was. My excitement was so great that I didn’t care that it was dark, cloudy, almost raining, humid and extremely windy and that my bag was very heavy and hurting my back.

I left with just a general direction I wanted to follow in my mind. I found the big building, with its big square, a weird fountain, a nice terrace and a lot of people swarming around them, most of them tourists. The thought that I was here to stay longer than most of them made me smile and I suddenly realized that the discovery moments are unique: I’d never see these places for the first time again. I started walking along the pedestrian streets in the old part of the city, checking the map every now and then to see whether I was still in Denmark :) I strolled for hours, discovering buildings, streets and canals, the old and the new combined in harmony – I’d never seen that before. As for all the water in the city – well, that was about the greatest thrill of all! I love everything that involves water, from fountains to rivers and seas. As I grew up in a city surrounded my mountains and hundreds of miles away from the sea, it was only natural that I would love what I did not have access to – that’s actually a great part of my personality and, whether I like it or not, this “principle” has steered many of my actions.

I’ve been living in Copenhagen for almost 5 months now, and the city still fascinates me. Somehow I always discover new things even around familiar places. I know the center of the city well enough to forget my map and not get lost. Today I passed by the hostel where I spent my first few days and remembered my first walk along the street, Hans Christian Andersen’s Boulevard, where I also took my first picture. The first building to impress me was the Ny Carlsberg Glyptotek, an art museum “guarded” by lion statues. To this day there are big areas of the city I haven’t seen, or that I’ve only crossed to get to some other place, but I believe it’s far more important to get the feel of a place and to enjoy it rather than be concerned about not missing anything.

I’m sure I won’t remember to visit everything I ever thought of, but I won’t let that stress me out in my last days here. I have 8 more days to spend in Copenhagen and I’m already missing it. The other 3 days left until the 31st are dedicated to Stockholm – which brings me back to the beginning of this “story.” Sweden becomes a dream come true for me, although in the past years I stopped obsessing over it ;)) I only realized that two days ago, when I was on the train. To Sweden. The city of Malmo, to be exact, which is across the Oresund Bridge from Copenhagen, a ride which takes about 40 minutes. I’ve been planning to go there for months, but somehow never got round to it.

Why? Because people tend to take things for granted – myself included. The idea that I could see it whenever I wanted made me postpone it indefinitely, and made my last two weeks here full. Which is not bad, actually. I think I’ll remember this as one of the happiest times of my life so far. My stay here as well as the travelling I have done exceed the expectations I had. It could have been better and it could have been worse.

But it’s been wonderful.

Encounters and moments of crude honesty

December 7, 2008
It’s 4 in the morning and I’m at Nørreport station, as usual. You wouldn’t believe how many drunk and/or stoned people are (crawling) around here. Because it’s Saturday night. Uhm…correction Sunday morning. This pretty much goes on every Friday and Saturday evening as teenagers and young people apparently drown their sorrows and their days of happiness as well, because I can’t imagine there being so many bitter people, in alcohol. Beer, mostly. There is no age, gender or status discrimination when it comes to drunkenness. The idea is you’re supposed to have fun, so much fun in fact that you should, ideally, lose count of the drinks you’ve had.

Tonight, after the Christmas dinner, which began at 5 but where I arrived at 10 with a big juicy pizza after abruptly reconsidering my decision to head straight home, we, meaning about 6 international students and 4 Danish ones, went to one of the hundreds of bars along the old streets of Copenhagen. The Danish girls got big beers while the Spanish guys got small ones – and got some sarcastic remarks on that, may I add. I mean, talking about cultural differences and drinking habits… The thing is the Danes don’t really get drunk easily, they do tend to have a lot of training. As you may or may not know, both Carlsberg and Tuborg have factories in and close to the city, respectively. Danes love their beer and they stick to it whether it’s 33 Centigrade outside or 33 Fahrenheit. Tonight I saw that some pubs and restaurants had re-installed their terraces, and there were actually customers sitting at those tables enjoying themselves. So unlike what I’m used to, people don’t consider a direct connection between the temperature and the liquids they choose to intake. My guess is that bad weather, winds and rains don’t really impress them anymore, because come to think about it NOT drinking beer in the cold would mean eliminating it from their choices on at least 70 percent of occasions – in which case, where would the love be? Honestly.

I think I’ve never seen so many drunk people per square meter before, and I do believe that any other events and encounters that will fall into this category from now on, experienced in any other place than Copenhagen, will be labeled as ‘unimpressive’, ‘nothing new’ and ‘is this all you’ve got?’ HAA ha.

This experience has really opened my eyes to other lifestyles and sort of helped me grow, as far as tolerance, empathy and openness are concerned. I know, it sounds like a stupid cliche clipped from a bad article. Maybe I should have put this in other words but this really is how I feel. It would be hypocritical of me to say that I’ve learned new and amazing things in school. It’s really not the case – not for me nor for any of the other international students. I did experience a completely new teaching and evaluation system, but that’s just part of the “different” category.

As a matter of fact, the most valuable thing I have consciously learned and changed about myself is the fact that now I truly believe that you shouldn’t try to convince anyone of anything in this world (before I was just saying that but wihthout backing it up). People have their own belief systems that are nearly to impossible to change. One should be given options, as they grow up, so that they could choose for themselves later in life. I believe that the one-sided approach is fundamentally wrong, whether the matter of concern is religion, politics, principles or lifestyle. Nothing can be categorized as absolutely “bad” or “good”, but only by reference to a value system.

I do think that people are essentially good and, given the chance to actually decide for themselves they would be less catastrophical. I know it’s an utopia, but essentially, and all above things considered, freedom is not such a bad idea after all. If you disagree with my viewpoint, and I’m sure many of you do, think about the number of times you have thought of people as being hopelessly disoriented and ultimately stupid puppets. Well, that’s basically the majority as we see it today. More or less seriously – how much worse could this get? I’m sure there are a lot of worse variants of looking at the matter than the one I’ve stated above, and there are some which might be better. So far nobody has proven perfect and flawless in judgement – and as many as you know I don’t believe in god(s).

Still disagree with me? Well that’s perfectly ok, this is just how I see things. I’m not trying to convince you of anything, remember?

This is partly a by-product of…yes, beer. However it sums up nicely my beliefs on this kind of matters. Surprisingly.

PS I was just thinking…some of the stuff I wrote may appear to conflict with the sociological ideas, such as “we can change the world”-ish ones, but now I realize that they actually don’t. It’s just a change on another level, working on the source rather than on the “finished product”. Never mind.